because really you swear you were a member of the fiend club...
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because the 65 year old weirdo sitting next to you at the Neil Young Rock Concert had a fatter doobie than you did...
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because these tits are C cups...
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because an analog smilie face is just a human face...
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because you don't have time for a girlfriend right now...
doyousmellribs.com
because your job sent you on a business trip to Toledo and you forgot your fleshlight...
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because one time Kristina called Pumps and they asked if she was a customer or an entertainer...
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because most people are not chill in bed...
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because what we are really asking is do these jeans make us look PHAT...
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because she is expressing herself through t-shirts...
doyousmellribs.com
because we got the farts real bad...
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because "you're a dirty hippy that doesn't understand punk at all"...
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because you made a cirque du soleil joke and NO ONE LAUGHED...
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because your boyfriend can sense you have your period because "you aren't that DTF"...
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because all the chicken heads need to be quiet...
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because wanting to do roller derby means that you want to touch other girls...
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because all your friends are at home pickling okra...
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because whats cooler than being cool?...
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because you're not in it for the money...
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because Kyle Patrick Brennan is a huge douchebag...
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because everyone is glaring at each other silently at parties...
doyousmellribs.com
because that girl you are kind of friends with thought it would be funny to give you a vibrator for your birthday...
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because oh my god your mom is so pretty...
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because this is what we meant when we said we wanted to do something "cool" in our free time...
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because everyone knows that you've read a Bukowski novel...
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because girl, you aren't ready for this ranch dressing...
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because we thought she was someone we could trust but she's been doubling up on us...
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because the Whitney Bienniall happens too damn often...
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because that bitch a Moen (buy it for looks buy it for life)...
doyousmellribs.com
because bulimia isn't "in" any more but "bowel-rina" tea is...
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because they love the way balls and dicks smell...
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because death is all around us...
doyousmellribs.com